April Fools
by Shadows of fire
Summary: Its Valentine's Day and Remus and Sirius are hiding in a closet. Well Sirius is hiding, Remus just got dragged along. Rated for cursing and mild adult themes. Mild slash, mild,foreshadowed RS.


Um…hey this is the author. I was trying to keep a story going with mostly dialogue since when I usually write I get caught not ever using it. It switches unless otherwise specified. And it starts out with Sirius.And it ends with him too. Sirius always has to get the last word. (oh no runs in mock fear not another plot bunny)

April Fools

(As titles go, this one has nothing to do with the story)

"April Fools has got to be the best Muggle invention ever!" Sirius was avidly staring off into space.

"Yeah, but if you hadn't noticed, its February 14, and we're hiding in a closet."

"Actually I have no idea why you're in here, its not like you have anything to hide from."

"Besides Olga Orlafkin."

"Well, of course besides it, but why are you complaining, you chose to stay here."

"If I remember correctly I was walking down the corridor to lunch when someone yanks me in here and says 'If you were ever a friend don't scream'."

"Yeah that, its one of my better pick-up lines."

"So you're admitting they suck."

"Well the girls do…suck, you know?"

"…"

"Well you see Remus, when a girl really likes a guy and wants to give him a present…"

"STOP…I'm not a virgin…I know what you're talking about."

"You're not, really."

"Really, really."

"Don't lie to me here, you are not a virgin."

"I'm. not. a. virgin."

"You never told me. When did this happen? Details, man, give me details."

"Last summer, tour guide, 19, top deck of a double decked bus."

"…"

"Sirius? You're the one asking for the details."

"Was she pretty?"

"Yes, the tour guide was 'pretty'"

"Was she any good?"

There was a long pause "That's it, I'm leaving."

"No. Wait. Fine. We'll talk about something else." Sirius stared intently at Remus for a couple minutes. He broke into a grin, "How many times?"

"What!"

"How many times since then?"

Remus muttered his answer.

"What was that, I couldn't hear you."

"Enough!"

"Oooh…anyone at school?"

"SHUT UP SIRIUS."

"I always thought you had something with that 7th year Ravenclaw."

"Nuh uh, definitely not her, first of all she's a slut, and second of all …well, damn, Sirius you've slept with her."

"I did?"

"Well maybe you didn't but the point is she's a slut, and I haven't slept with anyone in Ravenclaw."

"Hufflepuff?"

There was a long silence while Remus looked everywhere but at Sirius. With a resigned sigh Remus said, "Yes."

"How many?" Sirius was like a dog with a bone or on a hunt or a dog on a hunt for a bone, point is he was concentrated.

"That's none o-"

Sirius cut him off, "October 3, James still doesn't know who ratted on him to Lily, he could find out."

"Three times, three different people and I'm not telling you more than that, threat or no threat."

"Anyone in Gryffindor?"

"No!"

"You banged three puffs and didn't have the decency to do one Gryffindor."

"I-"

"No, I don't want to hear it. I'm disappointed with you."

Remus lost it then, he let slip the one thing he had tried with all his will to forget, "You didn't ask about Slytherin."

"YOU WOULDN'T!" Sirius got down on his knees, "Please I'm begging you Remus, tell me it wasn't so, or just lie to me; tell me you didn't meant it."

"I banged a Slytherin."

Sirius blinked a couple times, and finally after exploring all the possibilities just had to ask, "Were they any good?"

"I don't remember the details because I was too busy being drunk."

Siruis looked at him wide eyed, "So they took advantage of you."

"No, I'm pretty sure I started it."

"No more, no more, my friend has fallen to the dark side."

"Its not that bad, Sirius."

"When, tell me when it was that your soul was destroyed."

"Halloween Party, someone, I wonder who, spiked the punch-"

"You're blaming me for you descent into madness?"

"-with a love potion, that you mixed with alcohol. Something you never, ever, ever do."

"And the first person you saw was a Slytherin?"

"No, the first person I saw was you."

"Then why didn't you take you base desires out on me?"

"You're a guy."

"And…?" Sirius shifted closer to Remus.

"Are you gay?" Remus was staring at his …BAD THOUGHTS (back to story). Remus watched Sirius closely.

"No…" Sirius looked hesitant. Remus hid his disappointment really well if you exclude his sigh, his really loud sigh, which on later reflection could have made it sound as if he was relieved.

Sirius began again, "No, I'm more like bicurious."

Remus stared at him. Sirius began to fell defensive, "Not that there is anything bloody wrong with it."

"No, of course not, its just…when have you ever done a guy."

"Lots of times."

"Really, name one."

"I'm not one to kiss and tell."

"…" (Translation: Yeah right)

"I can't."

"I bet you've never even kissed a guy."

"I have too."

"Who?"

"James."

"Truth or Dare doesn't count. Another name."

Sirius mumbled something.

"Say that again, I couldn't hear you."

"Lucius Malfoy, and if you ever tell anyone I will kill you, bring you back to ife and kill you again."

Remus was stunned, since he really couldn't be outraged, that would have been too hypocritical. "You're saying the only guy you've ever kissed seriously was a snake, where is you honor hypocrite."

"You bloody well know where it is."

"Stuck up Lucius Malfoy's ass."

"!&#!" (Translation: Glare of Horrible Torturing Death)

"Oh gods, I'm sorry Sirius. I couldn't help it."

"…"

"Really, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

"HOLY BLOODY SHIT!"

"What is it? I already said I was sorry and I am. I didn't mean to say it. I take it back, I take it back."

Silence lapsed and Sirius leaned forward, he gently pressed his lips to Remus's.

Remus was stunned, he kept trying to ask Sirius one of the billion and one questions running through his head but all that came out was a kind of squeak.

Sirius spoke up, "I remembered, you tour guide. He was a guy."


End file.
